Do you think to yourself, if only I had more confidence I could do so much more with my life?
Are you waiting for confidence before taking action?
Confidence doesn’t work like that. Waiting for confidence before taking action is like waiting for strength before you start lifting weights. Just as you get strong by lifting weights, you build confidence by taking action.
Genuine confidence is based on evidence. Say you’re confident at cooking. That confidence is most likely based on evidence of having cooked many different dishes and having them turn out well. In the same way we can build confidence and boldness in life, by taking action and proving to ourselves that we can do it.
The problem is that between us and action is a hump of discomfort. We’re wired to move away from discomfort, not toward it. So often we stay stuck.
Courage is the Gateway to Confidence
To take action you need courage.
Courage is the willingness to experience those unpleasant feelings.
You may have been telling yourself that what you want is confidence. But what you need is courage.
The good news is that you can train yourself to handle discomfort by exposing yourself to small doses at a time. I call these Tiny Acts of Courage.
What is a Tiny Act of Courage?
A Tiny Act of Courage is choosing to do something that gives you a small dose of discomfort. Imagine fear as a swimming pool with a sloping bottom—from mild discomfort in the shallow end to terror in the deep. There are many gradations of fear in between: concern, apprehension, unease, worry, alarm, distress, dread, horror, panic.
A Tiny Act of Courage is like taking a dip in the shallow end—experiencing the mildest form of fear imaginable: a slight increase in your heartbeat, a little tightness in your chest, a butterfly or two in your belly. The mildness of the physical sensations combined with the limited amount of time makes it just the level of discomfort you can currently handle.
As you get used to the discomfort in the shallow end of the pool, you’ll be able to take a step toward the deep end. Over time you’ll eventually be able to swim out of your depth.
You’re probably already taking Tiny Acts of Courage in your daily life. Whenever you do something that makes you feel a little uncomfortable—resisting the urge to look at your phone, doing an admin task you’ve been putting off, walking in an area you’re less familiar with—you’re taking a Tiny Act of Courage. What I’m suggesting is that you can take Tiny Acts of Courage on purpose to grow your confidence.
Try it Right Now
Here’s a Tiny Act of Courage you can try right now. I invite you to hold your breath until it gets a tiny bit uncomfortable—just for one or two seconds. This is not about holding your breath as long as you can. It’s just about experiencing a moment of discomfort. Just that slightest sensation from your lungs telling you to breathe again. Allow the feeling of discomfort to be in your body. Remind yourself that it will not do you any harm. Tell yourself, I can handle this discomfort.
Congratulations. You have just taken a Tiny Act of Courage.
You have just proven to yourself that you can handle a moment of discomfort. You are now moving toward discomfort, rather than away from it. You have experienced voluntary discomfort and you are telling yourself and believing, I can handle this. You have taken the first and most crucial step in changing your relationship to uncomfortable feelings.
But one moment isn’t enough to build lasting confidence. That takes practice — a small action each day, building gradually.
That’s exactly what my free 7-day email course gives you. Each day you’ll receive one specific Tiny Act of Courage to try — starting small and building over the week. No big leaps. Just one small step each day, delivered to your inbox.
