I joined Toastmasters to learn how to overcome public speaking anxiety. I found a welcoming and supportive club and gradually got more comfortable about public speaking. I even found that anxiety and public speaking weren’t words that automatically went hand in hand. So I started to stretch myself. I entered the Toastmasters public speaking competition and to my surprise won the club competition.
Suddenly I was competing at the next level. That anxiety about public speaking walloped me out of nowhere. When I got up to speak, my legs felt like noodles. My notes were shivering in my hand. As I looked out at what seemed to me several football fields filled with people, I could feel my heart beating like it was going to explode out of my chest.
I was on autopilot but I got through that speech (I didn’t win). Friends came up to me afterward and when I asked if they could see how nervous I was, they said no. My partner Tony was there too, and he said that he could see some nervousness, but only because he knew me so well. He added that most people wouldn’t have been able to tell. I didn’t believe these nice comments at the time. I thought they were all trying to make me feel better!
But a couple of years later, Tony and I were preparing a seminar that we would be delivering at the Toastmasters annual conference. As part of our preparation, we gave the seminar at a local Toastmasters club and videoed ourselves. The anxiety was there too, but I watched in amazement at the video afterwards. I could not see the anxiety that I had been feeling at the time.
Just like we don’t see the energetic paddling as a swan glides across the water, you don’t look as nervous as you feel.
15 years later, as a presentation trainer and having worked with hundreds of people, I see this phenomena all the time. The presenter’s anxiety does not show at the same level as they feel it. After a course participant has delivered their presentation, we’ll often ask them to rate their anxiety on a scale of 1 to 10 where extreme nervousness is 10. The presenter might say they were ‘8’ on the scale. Then we ask the other participants what they thought. They’ll say ‘3’. Just like I was, the presenter is amazed.
You don’t look as nervous as you feel.
Here’s why. You feel the symptoms of nervousness. The audience can only perceive what they can see and hear. They cannot feel your feelings. Here are some examples of this:
1. Your heart is racing
You feel like you’re a bomb about to explode but the audience sees nothing. They cannot hear your heart beat or feel the kaboom in your chest.
2. You’ve got a dry mouth
Your mouth feels like cotton wool but all the audience perceives is an occasional unclear word.
3. Your voice is shaky
You think that you sound terrible but people who don’t know you don’t know that that’s not your normal voice. People who know you well may be able to perceive a slight difference.
This is not to say that an audience doesn’t perceive anxiety at all – just that what they perceive is at a much lesser scale than you.
Remember: you don’t look as nervous as you feel.